Recently, I asked my Instagram followers to guess the identity of my latest sewn creation, wonky mouth and all:
Shockingly, no-one guessed correctly. It’s a giant beanbag sperm! OBVS!
[MY GOOGLE SEARCH WORDS ARE EXPLODING AS I TYPE]
I was asked to create these beautifully crafted, highly tasteful items for my friend Anna’s baby shower BBQ (to which she wore her maternity Moneta!). They were used to play cornhole, an American game where you throw beanbags into a hole in a board. Let us not ponder the anatomy of that for too long.
Here, Anna proudly poses with two of her sperm:
Quick, they’re making a run (swim?) for it!
So, consider yourself edified. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever sewn? Pictures or it didn’t happen. I suspect I might be the winner. And no, I don’t do sperm beanbag commissions, sorry.
I was proud of myself for knitting mice that I stuffed so the kitties could play. Giant bean bag sperm. I’m in Awe.
Fake mice! Totally going to freak out a cat, love it
Furry sweatpants for a friend’s satyr costume. A snitching kilt for quidditch.
Furry sweatpants: a new wardrobe staple
while i was in midwifery school, i made a throw pillow shaped like a placenta. i used ribbon applique for the blood vessels & even made an umbilical cord. it was sold a few years later when i donated it to a friend who was holding a reproductive art auction to pay for her artificial insemination.
That is all kinds of awesome. I want to see photos!
We have cornhole boards in our backyard, leftover from wedding festivities. They now seem so boring without plushy sperm to throw at them! Hmm…
I think less of you now Mary, I’ll be honest. I thought you were classy.
The placenta is a mighty contender.
Agreed
Oh my god. Amazing.
Watch and learn, dear Oona
Haha! So funny. I was once asked by my sis to crochet some boobs for her breast feeding support group, she even had a pattern, but I didn’t know how to crochet well enough to make them.
But there’s still time to learn! Get on it! I bet you she still has boobs
hahahahaha!
Once I made an entire Juggalo costume (fake JNCOs and all) so I could dress as a Juggalette for Halloween. That’s not as weird as sperm beanbags, though. I’m totally jealous right now.
Umm and where are the pics dear Lauren? I do not recall your Juggalo post… Get on it!
Ohhhh, this is so risque! Will have to remember these for the next baby shower I throw.
A friend having a destination wedding asked me to sew neck pillows for her bridal party that were penises to one side and testicles to the other. They were so raunchy, but everyone completely loved them.
Ok Alicia, you win the Internet today. Unbeatable.
Haha!! That is funny.
Hahaha. This is might be the best game at a baby shower I’ve ever heard of. FAR better than the melted candy bar one. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, consider yourself lucky! 😀
They didn’t have that one but they did have a game where the men present (it was co ed) had to chug beer from baby bottles in a contest…
These are awesome. I’ve made lots of geeky things that people would likely consider weird, if they aren’t into it, but my favs are my portal companion cube pillow and my Star Trek TNG Geordie LaForge body pillow. Ahem… I mean I made them for my fiance and I didn’t steal them at all….
SOUNDS LIKE A WINNER
Those are adorable. I can’t say that I’ve ever made anything like that, but I’ve always been amused at the abundance of crocheted vaginas on Etsy (and Regretsy).
And who doesn’t need a crocheted vagina in their life, really?
You have no effin’ idea how this picture made my day. For. So. Many. Reasons. I don’t even know where to begin.
“This picture” refers to the last one. Just wow.
Haha sperm are hilarious!
I made a stuffed animal/semi-realistic version of my cousin’s cat for her birthday. It looked OK flat, but ended up being creepy once I stuffed it. The head got all weird and skinny and the button eyes just screamed CREEPER. Her and her husband would use it to scare each other…
I’m going to post about it in October, so I’ll attach the link soon-ish!
That sounds pretty amazing…
Best. Post. Ever! And also possibly the most unexpected?!
Happy to serve!
Oh hilarious! Not made anything quite so awesome but a sick little part of me wants to get my cat a toy from this etsy seller. My husband won’t let me though….
https://www.etsy.com/au/shop/meowadays?ref=l2-shopheader-name
Suggest you check out Sew Smitten’s blog for some of the really bizarre things that she has made!
A child-sized straight jacket. In pink. (yes it has quick release safety features)